Here’s what happened. Before signing up for classes at the beginning of each semester, all students had to meet with an advisor to get their prospective course load approved. This was always a person you didn’t know and had never even seen before. At the beginning of my junior year, I went to my assigned advisor to get my my classes authorized. Unfortunately for me, the paperwork showed all my previous courses and grades. My advisor took one look at my GPA and burst out laughing.
Okay, my grades were a little on the low side – 2.06, but he didn’t have to laugh. My previous advisors made a “hmmmm” sound or maybe shook their heads. Not this guy. He was cruel. Besides, it wasn’t like I didn’t study. The night before every test, I studied like mad.
That was the last time I went to any advisor. For the rest of my undergraduate days, I had friends sign on the advisor’s line. When I went through registration, the officials would just check to see if the advisor’s spot had a signature on it and then send me on my way. I kept track of the courses I took and made sure I had completed the required number of hours in my major, my minor, sciences, languages, etc. In the spring of 1969 I applied for my degree and in the fall started teaching at Perley Elementary School. Then the hideous hyphen raised its flat head.
It struck in the form of a phone call. It was Opal Bell (yes, that was really her name) from the “Office of the Bursar’s Red Tape and Paperwork Piles” or something to that effect.
Opal: Didn’t you see the hyphen?
Me: What are you talking about?
Opal: The hyphen between Psychology 111 and Psychology 112.
Me: I don’t recall that hyphen. Was it an important hyphen?
Opal: Of course it was. Even though you took Psychology 111, you don’t receive credit for it because you didn’t take the very important followup course, Psychology 112, AKA “Advanced Ratlab” . Therefore, you have not fulfilled all the requirements to graduate. Didn’t your advisor explain that to you?
Me: I guess it slipped his mind.
So, I had to take Astronomy that fall at IUSB and didn’t officially graduate til 1970, instead of 1969. That’s how a hyphen caused me to lose a whole decade.
Here is a list of fictional detectives who never miss a hyphen. Take a chance and pick a detective that you have never heard of and read one of their novels. If you like it, then you have will several more books to look forward to. If you don’t like it, you get your money back.
Classic Detectives and their Authors:
Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle
Sam Spade by Dashiell Hammett
Hercule Poirot by Agatha Christie
Philip Marlowe by Raymond Chandler
Lord Peter Wimsey by Dorothy Sayers
Mike Hammer by Mickey Spillane
Travis McGee by John D. MacDonald
Miss Marple by Agatha Christie
Nancy Drew by Edward Stratemeyer
Hardy Boys by Franklin Dixon
Father Brown by G. K. Chesterton
Recent Detectives and their Authors
Harry Bosch by Michael Connelly
Elvis Cole by Robert Crais
Alex Delaware by Jonathan Kellerman
V. I. Warshawski by Sara Paretsky
Inspector Lynley by Elizabeth George
Jack Reacher by Lee Child
Dave Robicheaux by James Lee Burke
Kinsey Millhone by Sue Grafton
Easy Rawlins by Walter Mosley
Kurt Wallander by Henning Mankell
Lincoln Rhyme by Jeffrey Deaver
Spenser by Robert B. Parker
John Rebus by Ian Rankin
Some humorous tidbits from http://www.cs.umd.edu/~gasarch/HUMOR/oneliners.html
Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder…
3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.
Don’t use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice…
Every morning is the dawn of a new error…
For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
I used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.
Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
Diplomacy – the art of letting someone have your way.
If I want your opinion, I’ll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
It’s not hard to meet expenses, they’re everywhere.
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
Car service: If it ain’t broke, we’ll break it.
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
Department of Redundancy Department Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D’Etat!
Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
I poured Spot Remover on my dog – now he’s gone.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor
Corduroy pillows: They’re making headlines!
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.