Hank Howls For Inter-Library Loans

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You’re probably thinking to yourself, “I don’t care how much libraries loan to each other as long as my fines don’t go up.”  Actually, inter-libray loans (ILLs) do not concern money.

Here’s how it works.  You want an older book that is not available at any of our libraries’ branches.  SJCPL had the book at one time but not any more.  You could assail the librarian as some patrons do, “Why don’t you have my book?  You should never have gotten rid of it.  What kind of a bum library is this?  Now I have to buy it.  Blah, blah, blah!”


You could say in a sophisticated tone of voice, “I believe I’ll have you get  that book via an inter-libray loan.  I expect it will take two weeks or so, but I’m not concerned. Have your robot call my robot when the book is in.  It’s a pleasure doing business with such an upright and incorruptible institution as this.  Good day, and may all your overdues get swiftly returned.”

Sometimes you don’t get the book you are asking for because none of the other libraries want to lend it out, but usually your book will come in after two weeks or so, and this applies to both fiction and nonfiction books.

What about DVDs, CDs and magazines?  I talked to Nancy B. who is SJCPL’s ILL expert (as well as being the second most annoying person in the whole Circulation Department).  She said that people can get any kind of library material by ILL, however, while your chances of getting books are excellent, libraries are very reluctant to part with such items as DVDs and CDS.  Typically, When I try to get a CD or DVD for a patron by ILL, we end up having this kind of conversation:

after two weeks:

Patron, “Did my CD come in?”

Hank, “Not yet.”

after three weeks:

Patron, “Remember that CD you ILLed for me a few weeks ago?”

Hank, “Yes.”

“Did they send it?”

Hank, “No.”

after five weeks:

Patron, “That CD didn’t come in, did it?”

Hank, “No.”

Patron, “Are you sure you entered it in the computer correctly?”

Hank, “Look  at your record, where it says ILLs.  There’s the title of your CD.”

Patron, “%&#*!!”

from http://iteslj.org/c/jokes-short.html

A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, “Bow-wow!” The cat ran away. “What was that, Father?” asked Baby Mouse. “Well, son, that’s why it’s important to learn a second language.”
Submitted by BH LEE

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.

The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?”

One boy answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.”

“You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher, “When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.”

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

I was born in California.”
“Which part?”
“All of me.”

A: Look at your face I know what you had for breakfast
B: What was it?
A: Eggs.
B: No, that was yesterday.
Submitted by: Janekt Ho

Said to a railroad engineer:
What’s the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.

The reply from the railroad engineer:
How would we know they were late, if we didn’t have a schedule?
Submitted by Kyle Jefferson

A: When I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head, but when I stand on my feet the blood doesn’t rush to my feet. Why is this?

B: It’s because your feet aren’t empty.
Submitted by Kyle Jefferson

Teacher: Did your father help your with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.


Author: hank

I am married with two daughters and one grandchild. After teaching in the inner city of South Bend, IN for many years, I now work at the St. Joseph County Public Library. I started keeping track of the books I read when I was sixteen years old, and now have read over 1700 books with a page count of more than 500,000.

One Comment

  1. I have had (some) luck with ILL for CDs, so I’d say give it a try anyway. The worst thing they can say is no. Books usually come through.

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