Hank Howls For Reading History


Don’t let this happen to you!  Have you ever suffered that sinking feeling that occurs when you are almost done with a novel, only to realize that you have read it before.  You can avoid that situation by writing down the title and author of every book you read, but that’s a lot of work.  A much easier way is to have our computer remember the books that you check out.  (Don’t worry, SJCPL will not do this unless you give permission).  Here is how you can tell our computer to start remembering your reading history:

1  Go to the SJCPL home page at libraryforlife.org

2  Click on the tab that says “My Card” in the upper left hand corner.

3  Fill in your name and SJCPL library card number, and click the submit button.

4  Click “My Reading History” (your history will include not just books but also movies, magazines and any other items you check out at SJCPL).

5 Click “Opt In”.

You did it!  Any time you log into your account and click “My Reading History”, you will see all the items you have checked out since you opted in.  If you should change your mind and decide you no longer want our computer to keep track of your checkout history,  follow the same steps and click the “Opt Out” button.

When you look at “My Reading History”, you will see four columns: “Title”, “Author”, “Checked Out” and “Details”.  Let’s look at the columns “Title” and “Author”.

TITLE: By default, you will see everything you have checked out arranged in chronological order, i.e. the order that you checked them out.  If you click on the word “Title”, the column will be shown in alphabetical order by title.

AUTHOR: If you click on “Author”, you will see a list of the books, magazines and movies without authors that you have checked out, followed by a list of books you checked out with authors arranged alphabetically.

In addition, you can peruse the “Checked Out” and “Details” columns.  Plus, you can export your list and do other things that I’m not going to tell you about.  I’d tell you if I was sure that I understood everything about “My Reading List”.  You can probably figure it out yourself,  and if you have any questions, just stop by or call any SJCPL branch and ask a librarian.  I wouldn’t ask the old guy on the 2nd floor of Main, though.



From http://www.poddys.com/jokes/jokes_014.htm

* An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy.

They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon when a wave came up and washed the old man overboard.

They searched for days but couldn’t find him, so the captain sent the old woman back to shore with the promise that he would notify her as soon as they found something.

Three weeks went by and finally the old woman got a fax from the boat. It read: “Ma’am, sorry to inform you, we found your husband dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled him up to the deck and attached to his butt was an oyster and inside it was a pearl worth $50,000. Please advise.”

The old woman faxed back: “Send the pearl, re-bait the trap.”


* 1   Brian Wilson, my assistant tax accountant, can always be found
  2   hard at work in his cubicle.  Brian works independently, without
  3   wasting company time talking to colleagues.  Brian never
  4   thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
  5   finishes given assignments on time.  Often he takes extended
  6   measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
  7   breaks.  Brian is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
  8   vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
  9   knowledge in his field.  I firmly believe that Brian can be
  10  classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
  11  dispensed with.  Consequently, I duly recommend that Brian be
  12  promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
  13  executed as soon as possible.

Addendum: That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the
report sent to you earlier today.  Kindly re-read only the odd lines.


FOR A LIMITED TIME:  For only $19.95, plus an exorbitant fee for shipping and handling, you will receive a can of rubbery gunk that you can spray on your window screens.  After you are done spraying, you can build a boat with your screens. Imagine the admiring looks you will attract when you launch your screenboat in the nearest body of water. And that’s not all!  If you order right away, we will send you, along with your can of gunk, two magic memory markers. When you want to take a break from reading,  just place a magic memory marker on the last page you have read, close the book and the magic memory marker will automatically remember your place. We are so sure that you will enjoy our products that, if for any reason, you do not love them with all your heart and soul, you are welcome to sue us.

From http://www.skeptictank.org/fnystuff.htm

When you THINK you have a bad day, remember this …I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror —wearing nothing but a camera!


* Isaac’s Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale.  Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.


-What duck?


-What duck?




Author: hank

I am married with two daughters and one grandchild. After teaching in the inner city of South Bend, IN for many years, I now work at the St. Joseph County Public Library. I started keeping track of the books I read when I was sixteen years old, and now have read over 1700 books with a page count of more than 500,000.

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